Hi guys! Here are our first two ficlets up for concrit. The first is a little more than a drabble and the second is about a double drabble. Please try to be fair and honest, and remember that it's perfectly acceptable to review these anonymously. Let's get going! Title:
Why Did He Shave, Anyway?Pairing:
Missing scene (?) from The Train Job: Ever notice that between the pilot episode and The Train Job, Jayne has shaved? Ever wonder why?Reveal author?:
“We ready to go?” Mal looked past Zoe, who he knew was ready, and towards the other member of his posse.
“Where the hell’s Jayne?”
“Right here, Mal.”
“Well, yeah.” He gave his captain a lascivious grin. “Never know, might be some women down there.”
“Jayne. We’re here to make a contact with a fella named Niska, not pick up women. ‘Sides, it’s just a bar on Silverhold. How many women could there be?”
“Well now, last time I was here, there was this belly-dancer. She could do things, Cap.” He nodded as sincerely as if he were talking about someone who could build a gun out of scrap metal. “Wouldn’t hurt you to spend some time with her, if you know what I mean.”
Mal left him talking to thin air, this not being the first time Jayne had said such a thing to his captain. If Jayne kept that up, Mal decided he’d find some way the man didn’t get to lay a hand on that belly-dancer this trip. Title:
River, Jayne, SimonRating:
Another missing scene (?), this one from TrashReveal author?:
River knew that she had scared Jayne when she told him she could kill him with her brain. She hadn’t really expected him to believe it. It was just a way to support Simon—her brother wasn’t as intimidating as he liked to think.
But Jayne had
been scared. And had grown steadily more fearful of them in the hours since she had seen him. She could feel his fear wafting through the ship toward her. It surrounded her and gnawed at her insides like a Reaver in a…
She had to stop it; had never meant it to go this far. Jayne had carried his own dread since that day on Ariel. She wasn’t afraid of him turning them in, not really. So why had she made him
She peered into the infirmary. Simon was there, with his back to her. But he could tell she was near. He always could.
“River? Are you okay?”
“Yes. No.” She watched Jayne intently.
“He’s sleeping. I think. Either that or you really did kill him with your brain.”
Simon smiled at her, wanting her to get his joke. For a moment, Jayne’s fear became her own. What if she really could kill him with her brain?
Simon recognized her worries. “River, he’s fine. Really, he’s just sleeping.”
She nodded, stepping into the room and over to the medcot that Jayne lay upon. Her proximity allowed her to hear his soft snores.
Leaning to look closely at his face, their noses nearly touching, she whispered, “I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But may you rest well and dream of large women.”
“River!” Simon hissed quietly.
“What?” She looked at her brother innocently. “It’s what he was thinking.”
Simon could only smile and shake his head at his little sister. Taking her by the hand, he led her from the room.
“You do know that you really can’t
kill someone with your brain, don’t you, River?”
“You just keep trying to convince yourself of that, Simon.”
To think about for these two: Do these ficlets function as complete stories or as scenes from a known 'verse? Should a drabble tell an entire story or should canon clues provided in a scene be enough to tell a story in fandom?One of these has a fairly ephemeral setting while the other is more concrete. Does that effect how well the fics come across?Though you are of course free to comment on any aspect you see fit! These are just ideas to get things started.